We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
