WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
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