My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
