she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
