I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
