So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize