Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
