Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
