Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
