so that wasnt chicken after all
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
