I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
