My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
