Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
