He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
