your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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