I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
