She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
