Your tits are I can't wait for
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
