put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
your room smells of hookers.
And success
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
