What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
