Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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