Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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