Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
