yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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