Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
