someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize