so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
