I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i think i just lost a toe
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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