...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
