Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
