i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
