why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
