I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
