I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
