My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
