I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
