I swear she didn't look like that last week.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
