wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
