And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
