you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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