I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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