oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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