guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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