We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
