Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
