She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
