It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
