What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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