ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
