just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The air was thick with penises
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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