I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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