Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
