Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
