some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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