she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
