shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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