there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So squirting runs in the family.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
