I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
