The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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