i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
