He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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