I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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