i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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