Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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