And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
