dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
