I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
thus making me awesome and them whores
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
