at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
