i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I did not marry a roomba.
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