I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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